Youth and Beauty, Man: Unlearning our eternal quest to never age or be ugly, no matter what it takes.
Ozempic and 10 Step Skincare Routines and celebs using filters on top of plastic surgery and all the ways our culture keeps us striving for perfection we can never achieve.
Hello, friends! I’m on tour with the Tinder Live 10th Anniversary tour this fall, my critically-acclaimed comedy show where I swipe through the weirdest Tinder profiles in real time, like Love Island but an interactive stand-up comedy show, starting THIS MONTH in San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, and Los Angeles, as well as another like 20 cities, and *sounding like that suit guy from the commercials* it’s the funniest thing you’ll see all year, I guarantee it* and you can get tickets for it here!
Please tell your friends in these cities too, it helps so much to get the word out and you (and they) won’t wanna miss it!
Let me start by saying I recently saw The Substance, the new movie starring the perfect and deeply missed Demi Moore.
Demi Moore, you may recall, was the highest paid female actress in Hollywood, who was basically banished from Hollywood for having the audacity to date a guy 15-years younger than she was and for this we called her a hag grandma (see below, her put in aging makeup to make this joke….at 42!) and told her “old” ass to go to hell. Cool! Meanwhile, as Moore notes in her memoir, her husband married someone 23 years younger than he was and no one cared. Extra cool!
(Eh, Striptease being a terrifically bad movie didn’t help either, but plenty of huge male actors have made bad movies and survived so my point stands.)
The movie, which you should see immediately fwiw, is about a Hollywood star who teaches fitness classes (this part is a bit muddy because no one really who has Oscars and shit is currently doing workout tapes, except for the immortal goddess Jane Fonda), but who cares when it’s this fun to see Demi Moore play a fitness instructor who is really hot:
This movie follows Moore’s journey into turning 50 (aka the age of several male friends of mine who still think their careers are just beginning and they’re just getting started) in Hollywood and being told by the most disgusting man you’ve ever seen (played brilliantly by Dennis Quaid) tells her it’s over for women at 50.
She’s then offered The Substance, a mythical thing that will make her younger and hotter and better instantly. She takes it, without any question at all.
I’ve seen some Dumb Discourse Online (DDO) saying “why would she take it so easily?” and to that I say, you’ve got to be kidding. She took it without question, and so would most of us.
We’re told constantly that it’s actually our moral responsibility to take it and anything like it…